


Unravel

by mrobrotzly



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, First Kiss, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Apologizes, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Jaskier | Dandelion, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Sad Jaskier | Dandelion, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28883112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrobrotzly/pseuds/mrobrotzly
Summary: Jaskier asks Triss for help, he wants to break the bond he has with his soulmate, she can't do anything about it, but she knows someone who can. Unfortanelly, that someone is Yennefer and, destiny must hate him, Geralt is with her.[...] Geralt opened his mouth to answer that when he was suddenly silent, looking down at the hand that held the bard's wrist and Jaskier just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.Of course, of fucking course he forgot the ring in Yennefer's room and his soulmark was there for everyone to see - maybe not everyone, it was dark, but a witcher's vision certainly could tell what that mark is and, gods, what thatmean."Don't say anything" but, obviously, Geralt didn't respect the request."Is that?" the witcher continued to contemplate the little white wolf that decorated the bard's ring finger "Is that what I think it is?" [...]
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 28
Kudos: 645





	Unravel

**Author's Note:**

> always remembering: english is not my first language, probably you'll find some mistakes here, sorry, just tell me if it's really a big problem and i'll do my best to correct this.

Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe if the bard thought a little more about it he would leave it alone, but things that involve the heart are almost never accompanied by rationality. So here he was, sitting in a luxury room, looking into the worried eyes of an old friend.

"Are you sure you want this, Jaskier?" the sorceress looked at him with a pitying look, holding his hand and staring at the mark on his ring finger "It has a chance that it'll destroy part of your soul..."

"I'm sure, Triss" he sighed "And I know what can happen, but I've seen it work before" he forced a smile "I can't live like this anymore, every time I remember, that I think about... It hurts, it _burns"_ he put his hand on the mark.

She sighed, resting in the chair and thinking for a while.

“I know someone” she replied “She's the best option if we want this to work. She had problems with destiny and choices a while ago” Jaskier laughed, who didn't? "She'll understand you."

He nodded.

"It won't affect just you, you know, right?" she said, tilting her head to the side, he made a confused expression "Your soulmate, they'll feel when the bond breaks and it'll hurt. A lot. For both."

He sighed "I doubt he'll feel it" he laughed wryly "In twenty two years he never felt anything, why would it be different now?"

"Jaskier..." she reached out to his hand, but he took it out before she could hold it.

"I don't care, Triss" he said firmly "It was his choice to get me out of his life, I have a right to do the same."

The sorceress pressed her lips together, but agreed, getting up from the chair and going to a small box on the table, taking out a small object that glowed a purple light and placing it on the map.

“Hm. Lucky for us, she's exactly where I thought she would be” Triss smiled at him, a soft smile that helped to calm his nerves “Tell me, have you traveled through a portal before?”

* * *

It was a nightmare, Jaskier felt as if he had been turned inside out, before going forward and falling to the ground with a thump, he heard Triss say a “He's all yours” to whoever was in front of them - he had no idea, his eyes were still foggy and his head seemed to spin - and a "Good luck" to him before a new portal opened and the sorceress was gone.

"That was awful" he said, grateful to have managed to keep his lunch where it belonged - in his stomach - and trying to get up.

"Here" someone said, holding out a hand with neatly painted black nails, the voice clearly belonged to a woman.

"Thank you" Jaskier said, trying to focus his vision, he could see a blur of a purple dress and black hair, beside the woman a smaller figure, probably a girl, blonde and wearing gray clothes.

"Dandelion?" the child said and the shock was enough for Jaskier to function properly again.

He looked in amazement at the princess of Cintra, taller than he remembered, since the last time he saw her was on her 10th birthday. He turned his head, looking at the woman standing next to Cirilla and…

"Oh no. No, no no” he said raising his hands and shaking his head, looking back searching for the portal or for some route where he could just flee "When Triss said she knew someone to help me with my problem... Why did it have to be you?"

Yennefer raised an eyebrow, hands resting on her waist.

“You look well, bard. Why would you need a sorceress?” she asked, ignoring Ciri's confused look at both of them and Jaskier wanted to dig a hole in the ground, bury himself and never get out, anything to escape from there.

He got tired of the silence a few seconds later, it was clear that Yennefer wouldn't move if she didn't have an answer, by the time he was going to open his mouth to explain his situation - and to curse Triss as much as a child could hear - the noise of quick steps interrupted him.

“Ciri! Yen!" a low voice called them both, behind were Jaskier was standing "I heard voices are y-"

The bard closed his eyes, cursing all the gods he knew and himself, before taking a step back, turning to face the owner of the voice he knew so well.

"Jaskier?" Geralt was standing a few steps away, looking at him with furrowed brows and the bard felt his heart squeeze, the pain in his soul almost physical.

He looked at Yennefer again.

"I'll get the hell out of here" he said, walking past her, not knowing where he was or where he's going, but one way or another he would go as far away as possible.

"Don't you want help with your problem, bard?" the sorceress said, without even turning to him and Jaskier stopped.

He wanted, he wanted it so badly, but how could he? Meddle in that little family like that? Geralt was clearly fine without him, he won the sorceress back and Yennefer had the daughter she always wanted.

But if so, then he also had the right to move on, to leave the witcher behind just as he was left behind. Even if it cost a part of his soul - part of it was gone on top of that mountain anyway.

He narrowed his eyes, Yennefer looked at him curiously.

"I need to talk to you" he replied, looking at Ciri's confused face and the witcher who hadn't moved a muscle since he got there "Alone."

The sorceress nodded.

“Ciri, help Geralt hunt the dinner. Jaskier, follow me. ”

* * *

Jaskier was somewhat distressed, he couldn't deny it, sitting on a chair in the living room of a small cottage - apparently Yennefer found a place to recover after the battle of Sodden and this ended up being Geralt and Ciri's refuge, Triss knew the location because she was one of the sorceresses who helped to hide and protect the place with magic while Yennefer healed.

She was sitting across from him, drinking wine, she had offered some to the bard, but Jaskier thought it would be better to be totally sober for the conversation that was to follow.

"I want to get rid of my soulmark" he said at once, without hesitation, the woman stopped the goblet before it touched her lips, widening her eyes.

"Do you realize what you're asking for?" she said, analyzing him as if he had grown a second head, Jaskier just nodded.

"Yes and I'm sure" he raised his head, looking serious "This is what I want."

She shook her head, frowning and still treating him like he's crazy “Do you want to break a soul bond? Doing this to a human would be like breaking them inside. There's a reason that only sorcerers and witchers don't have a soulmark.”

"That's exactly why" he said, making her stop and look at him even more confused, Jaskier just sighed, taking off the ring that accompanied him everywhere he went, revealing the mark on his skin. The sorceress's gaze became softer and the bard looked away, he didn't want pity, especially not from Yennefer of Vengerberg.

She took Jaskier's hand, running her finger around the skin, there it was, the small white mark in the shape of a wolf's head, just like the one on the witcher's medallion.

"It's him, isn't it?" she asked, her violet eyes fixed on the blue "Geralt?"

Jaskier nodded, not trusting his voice to answer, not with the lump that formed in his throat, his eyes didn't fill with water only because he didn't know if he could still cry - not anymore, not after what happened in that mountain.

"I saw it change" he said, his voice lower than he intended. "It wasn't shaped before, maybe because he's a witcher, so I started calling him White Wolf and..." he gestured with his free hand, making it clear that this was the end of the sentence. Yennefer nodded.

"He knows?" she asked, letting go of his hand.

"Why should he know?" he said in a bitter voice.

"He's part of it" Yennefer replied "He has the right to know."

Jaskier snorted.

“He blamed me for everything bad that happened in his life” he said, spitting out the words, without looking at the sorceress “He said it would be a blessing if life took me out of his hands. Twenty two years, Yennefer, twenty two years traveling together and it meant nothing to him, he threw me out like trash. So, I repeat, why should he know?”

She sighed.

"He would feel the bond breaking" she replied, her voice soft as if talking to a frightened animal and it started to make the bard annoyed.

“You said it yourself, witchers don't have a soulmark. He doesn't even know he can have a soulmate, he may not feel anything and even if he does, I don't care.”

"But it can destroy your soul!" she said, finally making it clear that the talk about Geralt was just a way to convince him to change his mind "You can die, Jaskier."

He sighed, going back in his chair, defeated.

“There are things worse than death, Yen” he looked down, suddenly exhausted “If I have the slightest chance of finally being myself again… I'm going to take this, there's nothing you can say to change my mind."

She made a small frustrated noise, running her hand over her face, disconcerted in a way that the bard had never seen, but didn't refute.

"It can take time" she replied "I need to make some potions and test how strong the bond is."

"Okay" he said, tapping his index finger on the ring that once again covered his mark "Is there a village nearby where I can stay?"

She snorted "No, you're going to stay here, bard, under my roof."

"Yennefer..." he started to say, no. No, he couldn't stay in the same place as Geralt, he couldn't bear to see the witcher's angry face again.

“Don't even try to refuse. If you want this to work you will do _exactly_ what I say” she replied, her authoritarian tone giving no chance for Jaskier to say anything against it “And talk to Cirilla, she missed you.”

He blinked, looking at her in astonishment.

"Did she talk about me?"

Yennefer sighed "All the time."

Luckily he didn't have to look for Ciri, right after Yennefer showed him a small room where he could stay, the girl came running across the room, realizing that Jaskier had recovered from the initial confusion of seeing her after so many years and that his private talk with the sorceress had ended, Ciri wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, saying that she missed him and asking when he could play and sing her favorite songs again.

"The portal made me a little unwell, princess" he replied "Maybe tomorrow" really, he wasn't in the best mood to play today, not feeling his heart on the verge of escaping his chest whenever the girl mentioned Geralt's name - thankfully, the witcher had decided to stay out and take care of Roach (gods, he missed Roach).

Obviously Yennefer put the two of them to work and made dinner, saying she would go outside to see what the witcher was up to, Jaskier's chest tightened for two reasons: first he remembered that Yennefer and Geralt were probably still a couple and second he thought that maybe the sorceress would tell the reason he was there - Yennefer had promised him that she wouldn't say anything, but even so he couldn't control his nervousness.

"Why are you here?" Ciri took him out of his thoughts, Jaskier removed the rabbit's skin practically automatically, well, he had years of experience in doing that.

"I'm cursed" he lied and the girl frowned.

"But Yen said you're fine" she replied, Jaskier suppressed a sigh, why did she have to be so observant?

"Physically, yes" he said "It's more... from inside. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, but it bothers me.”

She nodded, opening her mouth to ask more, but changing her mind shortly thereafter, Jaskier wondered if something on his face made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it.

A few minutes later, talking to Ciri about the most diverse subjects, avoiding as much as possible any that reminded her of the war and the battle of Cintra while seasoning the meat, Jaskier heard two voices approaching the kitchen, it sounds like an argument.

"I want to know why he's here" Geralt's hoarse voice demanded and Jaskier felt his whole body go cold. It would be now, it would be now that he had to face how much the witcher despised him and how undesirable his presence was. Ciri heard it too, staying still and turning her head toward where the sound came from.

"Why don't you ask him?" Yennefer said, walking straight through the kitchen towards the stairs, Geralt appeared in pursuit, calling the sorceress's name before realizing that there were two pairs of eyes watching him where he was standing in front of the door.

Time seemed to stop and at the same time pass absurdly fast when Geralt's eyes met Jaskier's, the bard could notice that he swallowed, opened his mouth for a few seconds as if to say something, but decided it was better just turn and probably leave the cottage again.

 _"Well, better than I expected"_ Jaskier thought, but his heart was beating uncomfortably in his chest and he found it difficult to continue the conversation with Ciri as if nothing had happened - thankfully, the girl didn't comment on it.

Geralt didn’t show up for dinner that night and Jaskier retired to his room shortly afterwards, saying a brief good night to Ciri and Yennefer and quickly walking up the stairs. 

* * *

The bard slept very little, partly eager to start getting rid of the bond he shared with Geralt, partly concerned precisely because of that. Would the witcher notice something? Would he feel that his soulmate had given up on what they shared? Would things change if Geralt knew? Jaskier shook his head, he didn't want to be an obligation, didn't want to be in the witcher's life just because Destiny likes to make fun of mere mortals, if Geralt didn't want him around, not even sharing that bond would make him stay.

Down the stairs he heard Ciri talking animatedly to Yennefer, where the girl got so much energy from, Jaskier had no idea.

"Dandelion!" she came to him, giving him a hug that almost made him lose his balance.

"Careful, princess" he laughed, caressing her hair "You are not as small as you used to be."

She giggled, looking up at him with bright green eyes "You're going to sing for us today, right?"

How could he say no?

"At night" he promised and she nodded, saying she would help Geralt with something outside - Jaskier didn't hear what, his mind learned to stop paying attention whenever the witcher's name was said, to help not think about him.

“I made the potion last night” Yennefer said, approaching him with a flask, dark, slimy-looking liquid inside it “Drink it after eating, this will bring the bond to a more superficial part of your soul, so I can see how many knots I need to untie.”

"Knots?" he asked, sitting at the table and taking a bite of a piece of cheese.

“Some soulmate bonds are different from the others, there are several types, family, friendship, but the only that leave marks on the skin are the romantic ones” Jaskier grimaced, he knew he loved Geralt with all his being, but leave it so wide open to Yennefer's knowledge made him uncomfortable "The knots represent how strong the bond is, it can be strengthened by the time spent together and how much they both feel affection and" she pressed her lips together as if the word had a bad taste "love."

Yennefer said everything in a neutral voice, but something in her eyes was sad, Jaskier remembered what she said about sorcerers not having a soulmark and wondered if that - as well as not being able to have a child - was something she regretted.

"So you have to untie them with magic?" he asked, looking at the flask in his hand.

"Yes, but the more knots you have, the more difficult and painful it will be" she looked at him "And there is little chance that your soul will not be destroyed if that happens."

“Okay” he took the cork out of the flask, shrugging “The only thing that applies in my case is time, I bet it’s going to be easy for you” he winked and Yennefer rolled her eyes, watching him swallow the liquid in one gulp, making a face.

“By Melitele's left nipple, this is horrendous” he put the flask on the table, shaking his head, feeling his fingers tingle he raised his hands, flexing them and widening his eyes at the sorceress “Tell me this won't affect my hands, I need them to survive!”

Yennefer just rolled her eyes again "You will be fine, dizzy for a while and maybe a bit nauseated for the rest of the day, but fine" she shrugged, Jaskier narrowed his eyes at her indifference "After dinner find me in my room, the potion will have taken effect.”

He nodded, getting up from his chair and almost going to the floor because of the sudden dizziness, but tried to maintain his dignity, saying a brief goodbye with his head and going up the stairs again.

The first thing he did was to take his lute ou of the case, ignoring the lack of sensitivity in his fingers, strumming the strings in an easy melody just to spark creativity, maybe it was time to compose again, something about Ciri, the princess really was the only reason he wasn't totally defeated the way he would be if alone with Yennefer and Geralt.

He murmured along with the melody, changing the chords to something more elaborate, something that matched the fury of a lion cub, but was interrupted by a coughing fit. It didn't last long, but it was enough to upset him, he grunted, feeling his head spin again, damn potion. The bard closed his eyes, running his fingers over his temples, muttering under his breath and went towards the bed, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some rest…

* * *

Jaskier woke up hours later, when the sun was already setting, clothes sticking to his body because of sweat, his head throbbed and he felt his body tremble with exhaustion, it looked like he was recovering from the worst fever he ever had and the bard cursed the heavens, Destiny, Yennefer, everything that put him in that situation. He stood up carefully, doing his best to keep his balance and keep the room from spinning.

Jaskier sat on the bed, feeling a strange and uncomfortable tingling over his skin, as if _something else_ was running through his veins.

He went down the stairs lost in that horrible feeling, was it time to meet Yennefer to start studying the bond? He grunted when he tripped on one of the steps. It caught Ciri's attention and made her call his name louder than he would have liked.

"Dandelion!" she said again and he put his hand on the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes “Are you okay? I haven't seen you since breakfast, Yen told me to let you rest, but she didn't tell me what's going on and Geralt is also weird, I never saw him like that” she said, walking next to him while the bard headed for the nearest chair, he paid no attention to half of what she said, not when the room seemed to spin and it made him sick.

"I'm fine" he lied, accepting a glass of water that the girl put in his hand and taking a brief sip - he didn't know if his stomach would be able to hold more than that.

"You don't look fine" she insisted, crossing her arms "I'm used to Geralt not telling me things, but I didn't expect this from you" she pouted, knowing well that it always worked against him, Jaskier always ended up revealing more than he should from the stories he told her because of that little pout.

"Ciri, go help Geralt, leave the bard with me" Yennefer appeared or was already there, who knows, Jaskier could barely concentrate on what was in front of him, let alone in his surroundings, Cirilla didn't like the request, but said nothing, leaving the room, still pouting.

The bard rested his head on the chair, closing his eyes again and enjoying the silence.

"You're worse than I though" great, no silence then, he opened his eyes, staring at Yennefer's furrowed brows.

"Thank you" he mumbled, without even the strength to make a sarcastic comment, she sighed, as if disappointed by something and he narrowed his eyes, but was interrupted by a sharp pang of pain in his head.

"Come with me" Yennefer said, without waiting for an answer, heading for her room.

He sat next to a table with several flasks of vibrantly colored liquids, leaves he didn't know by name and some ingredients he had no idea what they were on the wooden surface.

"Give me your hand" she said, standing in front of the bard, he was sweating and it was hot, he knew hold his hand probably shouldn't have been a pleasant feeling for the sorceress, but she didn't comment, her thumb drew patterns around his wrist. His free hand was also held by Yennefer, but this time she wrapped all her fingers only around the one with the soulmark, her gaze fixed where she was touching and Jaskier could feel when her magic came in contact with his skin, going further deep and sliding through his veins, he grimaced at the artificial sensation and Yennefer frowned.

The silence lasted a few minutes, the sorceress studying him and he was trying not to look so uncomfortable - he was the one who asked for it - until she released his hand in a sigh.

"I can't do it" Yennefer said, fixing his violet eyes on the blue ones in front of her.

"What do you mean you can't?" he said incredulously.

"Too many knots, I won't do it" she replied firmly and he put a hand over his face, exasperated.

"So, you can't" he narrowed his eyes in her direction "Or you won't?"

"I won't" Yennefer crossed her arms, the look on her face challenging Jaskier to say something against it and, well, a bard was always up for a challenge.

"It's my life, Yennefer" he said, standing up, ignoring the dizziness that the sudden movement caused and standing in front of the sorceress "That's what I chose for myself, I know the risks!"

"You know nothing!" Her voice rose a tone, but she didn't uncross her arms, maintaining her composure “There is no corner of your soul that isn't totally tied to that bond, Jaskier, look at you! Bringing it to the surface is already draining you! You would die.”

"So what?" he laughed wryly, gesturing in a theatrical way "Who would care?"

"Ciri would!" she exclaimed and Jaskier thought it was a low blow to involve the girl in this "And, I must be mad to care about someone as stupid as you, but I would!" the bard arched his eyebrows in surprise, aside from the insult perhaps that was the only cool thing Yennefer had ever said to him "I will not be the one to kill you."

They were silent, staring at each other for a few seconds, the sorceress with her eyes fixed on him and he knew that if he said anything self-deprecating again, Yennefer would curse him for that.

He sat back in the chair, defeated and exhausted, giving up.

"What now?" he asked quietly, more to himself than to the sorceress in the same room as him. She didn't answer, arranging a few flasks on the table and leaving him immersed in his own doubts, in silence.

"I have to go" Jaskier said suddenly, making Yennefer look back with an arched brow.

"Where?" she asked, something on her face said she thought the idea was silly.

"Far away" he replied "If I have to continue living with the bond, at least I can try to build a new life away from here" _away from him_ , that's what he really meant.

Yennefer sighed "Do whatever you want" she said, pressing her lips together.

He nodded, getting up again, he didn't feel so weak anymore and he didn't have the feeling of the bond running freely through his veins, so maybe the potion's effect had passed. Saying a quick goodbye to Yennefer, without waiting for a reply he left the room, going directly to the stairs, avoiding making noise - he had no idea where Cirilla was and he knew he shouldn't leave without saying goodbye, but if the girl looked at him with those bright green eyes and asked him to stay, he wouldn't be able to say no.

At the last minute he decided to leave a note behind, wishing her all the best that life could offer and saying that he hoped to see her again, that he was proud of her and would miss her.

There, he sighed, leaving the paper on his bed, in a visible spot, taking the few bags he had with him and, obviously, his lute. It was dark outside and it wasn't a good idea to venture around the forest at that time, but he didn't care, the recklessness being a result of the frustration of not getting what he wanted.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, telling himself that everything would be fine, he just had to leave and everything would be fine. Repeating this like a mantra, he went down the stairs, looking back only once at the spot where he had dined with Ciri and Yennefer the day before and went out the door.

* * *

A few minutes away from the cottage, going deeper into the surrounding forest and Jaskier realized that he had no idea where to go and, honestly, he felt like punching himself for being so impulsive, if he had stopped to think for a few more minutes he would have thought about asking Yennefer to open a portal for him.

By the gods, he didn't even ask where on the continent he was. He grunted, sitting on the roots of a big tree, he could go back, obviously, it wouldn't be the best thing for his dignity - even more if Cirilla found the note, she would certainly give him a nice scold for it.

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes and did something he hadn't allowed himself in a long time: he wished things had never changed, that the dragon hunt had never happened, that he never had to know what his soulmate really thought about him.

Sometimes he wanted to go back to the time when the mark had no shape, and in some of his worst moments, he wished he had never met Geralt, wished to be young again and not so broken as he is now, inexperienced, but with the whole world to conquer. Alone.

He suddenly opened his eyes, hearing the leaves rustling and a branch breaking close to where he was, Jaskier moved his hand close to his boot, where he hid a dagger, he wasn't that far from the cottage, maybe it's just the wind, but you never know what can sneak in the forest at night.

When what was making the noise came into view he grunted low, tipping his head back again without knowing whether he blamed the universe or himself for his bad luck.

"Jaskier?" Geralt asked, approaching him with a frown. "What are you doing here?"

"Leaving" and the bard replied without looking at the witcher, wondering if it was a good idea to just get up and continue walking through the forest.

"To where?" Geralt stopped a few meters away from him.

"Just leaving" Jaskier stood up, brushing the dust off his trousers and giving a small fake smile towards the witcher, fixing the lute case on his back.

"Why are you here?" Geralt asked and the question would hurt more if the bard wasn't exhausted.

"Not because I want to, that you can be sure of" he replied bitterly "Don't worry, I'm already leaving. Out of your hands the way you oh, so badly wish" he passed by the witcher, patting his shoulder and kept walking without looking back.

"Jaskier, do you even know where you're going?"

Jaskier laughed wryly "Away" was all he replied.

He managed to walk a good distance before he heard footsteps behind him again.

“Wait” Geralt called again and the bard stopped, looking up at the sky and begging to be left alone, that was a cruel joke even for Destiny. He turned around watching the witcher standing a few meters away, the bard was unable to read his expression.

"What do you want, Geralt?" he said, crossing his arms "If you're going to yell at me again, save your breath, I know what you think about me, it was very clear what you said on top of that mountain" Jaskier was proud of himself for his tone of voice not denouncing how broken he had been since that happened.

"I'm sorry" Geralt said suddenly, all at once, the bard raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Excuse me, you _what?"_ he blinked, placing both hands on his hips and frowning.

"I'm sorry" the witcher repeated, this time more slowly, taking a step forward, Jaskier narrowed his eyes and this made him not come any closer "I'm sorry, Jaskier."

And the bard shook his head, oh no, no, no, he wouldn't go through it again, he wouldn't go back to that life of being a punching bag every time the witcher lost patience with whatever life threw at him.

"Why?" he asked laughing in exasperation "Why should I accept your apologies?"

Geralt didn't respond, pressing his lips together.

"Do you know what you did to me?" he kept talking and knew well that it would be impossible to stop now, he knew he would regret leaving himself so vulnerable, but for so long he suffered quietly, he couldn't take it anymore “I gave you everything I had, my youth, my life's work! And all I wanted in return was a friend, nothing more. I had gotten used to all your grumpiness, because deep down I thought you cared!”

The bard raised his tone during the speech and he gestured with his hands as he spoke, without stopping to see Geralt's reactions.

“I was wrong” he laughed “I was fucking wrong! You threw me out like trash, and you know what? Maybe I deserved it, maybe I deserved it because I trusted you. So you're sorry, Geralt? I'm sorry, too, for being stupid enough to think I meant something to you.”

"You meant something to me" his voice soft as if he was talking to a frightened animal "You mean."

Jaskier shook his head again.

"Shut up" he said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath "I can't" his voice lost strength and he remembered how exhausted he was.

“I know I don't deserve your trust any more” Geralt's voice seemed closer, but Jaskier refused to open his eyes “I won't ask you to forgive me, I don't think I deserve it. I just want you to know that everything I said wasn't true and I apologize for that.”

The bard suppressed a sob, he was so close to tears now.

"I was angry, but it doesn't justify what I did, I shouldn't have said that."

"Even so you said" he replied, opening his eyes, but looking to the few stars in the sky "You said that knowing how much it would hurt me, knowing that I would leave."

"I wanted you to leave" he confessed "It would be better for you to stay away."

"That's what I'm doing now" Jaskier sighed, finally looking at Geralt, surprised at how vulnerable his expression was, he seemed to want to say more, much more, but just nodded, pressing his lips without looking away.

And the bard was ready to go, leave it all behind and maybe someday fix all his broken pieces alone, but, well, the conversation wasn't over yet.

"Why are you here?" Geralt asked again, Jaskier had forgotten how stubborn the witcher could be “Yennefer didn't want to tell me. I can't feel any curse on you and you don't look injured. Then why?"

Jaskier grunted, fidgeting his fingers.

"You wouldn't want to know" was all he replied, he didn't know which excuse to use, Geralt would know if he was lying.

"Why?" the witcher asked, taking a step forward and studying the bard carefully, looking for something wrong "Did someone hurt you?"

"Besides you?" Jaskier laughed wryly and sighed "No, Geralt, no one hurt me."

"So what happened?" the witcher frowned, Jaskier refused to answer "Jaskier I want to help you."

He laughed again, still in silence, preparing to leave once and for all, walking away again. Geralt didn't seem convinced, grabbing him by the wrist and stopping him.

"Let me go" Jaskier said, trying to free himself from the grip, unsuccessfully "I don't need your help."

Geralt opened his mouth to answer that when he was suddenly silent, looking down at the hand that held the bard's wrist and Jaskier just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

Of course, of fucking course he forgot the ring in Yennefer's room and his soulmark was there for everyone to see - maybe not everyone, it was dark, but a witcher's vision certainly could tell what that mark is and, gods, what that _mean._

"Don't say anything" but, obviously, Geralt didn't respect the request.

"Is that?" the witcher continued to contemplate the little white wolf that decorated the bard's ring finger "Is that what I think it is?"

"I can lie and say no, if that's what you want" Jaskier replied, _please, please say that this is what you want, it'll be easier if we just pretend it never happened, just let me go,_ he thought, looking at the whirlwind of emotions that passed through the witcher's gaze, it was so strange how well Jaskier could read him, even after so long apart.

Geralt looked up, meeting the bard's blue eyes and his expression was easy to read, but Jaskier didn't understand, why did he look so hurt?

"Is that why you're here?" he asked, slowly releasing Jaskier's wrist "Do you want to get rid of this?"

Jaskier nodded, pressing his lips firmly together, trying to maintain his composure, and the witcher swallowed, frowning, that same hurtful expression still in his eyes.

"Why?" Geralt asked so quietly that the bard barely heard him.

"Do I really need to answer that?"

The witcher closed his eyes, running his hand over his face "I really fucked up that bad?" and Jaskier knew he didn't have to answer.

“You broke more than your... friendship that day, Geralt” he confessed “My heart was yours, with or without the bond, it never mattered to me. So, do you understand why I want to get rid of it?”

"Why did you never tell me about it?" he asked instead of answering.

“When should I say? After you made it clear how much you hated being linked to others by Destiny? Maybe every time you told me you weren't my friend, oh, it would be great ‘Hey, Geralt, guess what! We are destined to be together!” Jaskier sighed "I didn't want to be your obligation. I was happy just being by your side, we didn't need to be anything more than friends and that was enough for me."

He looked at the witcher, Geralt was standing in the same place, not knowing what to do.

"I used to like it, you know?" the bard continued, smiling sadly and holding the finger with the mark with his other hand “It means that our paths would meet one way or another and that, while the mark was still here, you're fine. And alive.”

Geralt made a noise and if Jaskier didn't know him he would say it sounded like a whimper.

"Do you still want to get rid of it?" he asked and Jaskier felt his chest tighten.

"Even if it's what you want me to do, I can't" he replied more bitterly than he intended.

"I don't want to" Geralt said, shaking his head "I don't want this to be undone, but if that's what you want, I won't stop you."

The bard was silent for a few seconds, analyzing what that answer meant and feeling close to breaking completely.

“I just want to be fine” he said, feeling his eyes water “I just wanted to forget, because it's not fair, Geralt! It's not fair how much I love you.”

And the tears finally came free and even with the vision blurred, he could see the exact moment when Geralt broke too.

The witcher went to the bard, wrapping him in a hug and it had been so long since he last felt Geralt's faint heartbeat that it made more tears flow and he buried his face in the shoulder in front of him.

“I'm sorry,” Geralt said quietly, caressing Jaskier's hair “I made you leave, I thought it would be better this way, you deserve so much more, you deserve everything I know I can’t be. I'm sorry, Jaskier.”

"What right do you have to decide what's best for me?" the bard said, slapping the witcher on the shoulder, but still holding him tight.

“I know” Geralt pressed his lips to the top of Jaskier's head, sighing “I regretted it the moment you turned your back to go. But I put it in my mind that it was the best for both of us.”

"And was it?" he asked, taking a deep breath.

"I was miserable without you" Geralt confessed, stepping back to look the bard in the eyes "I realized that I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

"Don't say that please" Jaskier closed his eyes "Don't make me _hope."_

“I can't ask you to forgive me” the witcher ran a finger over the bard's cheek, wiping away a tear “But I'll be selfish enough to ask for a second chance. Friends or just someone who give you ideas for new songs, whatever you want, but please, I want you back in my life.”

Jaskier opened his eyes, finding the beautiful gold that had haunted his dreams since what happened on the mountain, Geralt looked at him so openly, vulnerable and soft, begging for it, for that chance. The bard nodded and the witcher sighed in relief, giving a brief kiss on his forehead before letting go.

"Why did you never go after me?" Jaskier asked suddenly, not even knowing where that question came from.

Geralt sighed "I didn't want to think about why I missed you" he replied "And when I realized why, Cintra happened."

Jaskier nodded, Ciri's safety comes first.

"I'm glad you found her" he commented, and the small smile on Geralt's face made the bard's heart skip a beat.

"She found me" he corrected, sitting down on the same root Jaskier rested before his arrival and inviting the bard to sit beside him.

"And Yennefer?" Jaskier said, even though he knew it might hurt his heart even more, but he needed to know "Are you two…" he gestured with his hands "Okay?"

"Hm" Geralt agreed "She's like a mother to Ciri, we're friends. Only that" Jaskier nodded, keeping his gaze on the ground in front of him. 

"And are you fine with that?"

The witcher nodded “We were kind of… destructive to each other. Her words, but I agree.”

They were silent for a few moments, listening to the noises of the forest, the moonlight falling gently on them and Jaskier gradually felt that if he closed his eyes he would only wake up with the sun rising.

"Do you still want to...?" It was Geralt who broke the silence "Get rid of the bond?"

Jaskier sighed, resting his head on the tree behind him.

"Even if I wanted to, I can't" he replied "Yennefer said that it would destroy my soul, so she refused to do that" he kept to himself about the knots and the fact that there's so many in their bond, because he don't understood why, obviously Geralt showed just now that he cared, but _love?_ Love was a really strong word.

"When did you find out it was me?" the witcher asked curiously, turning his head to look at the bard.

"When you became the White Wolf" Geralt widened his eyes in surprise.

"That was a long time ago" he said and Jaskier just nodded.

"I'm sorry" the witcher said suddenly.

"For what now?"

Geralt frowned, pressing his lips together.

"For what it means to you, to have such a bond with a witcher" he practically spat out the last word and Jaskier narrowed his eyes, feeling annoyed.

"Do you think I care that you're a witcher?" he asked, insulted "'Cause if the answer is yes, Geralt, you really think less of me than I thought."

“That's not what I mean, Jaskier,” the witcher replied, grunting “There's a reason why witchers shouldn't have soulmates. We aren't human, we live more, much more. If your life is linked to mine it means that you'll live as long as I do.”

He said and the bard continued to look at him, trying to understand what was wrong with that.

"And?" he asked when he realized that Geralt would say no more and the witcher grunted again, looking upset.

“Everyone you know is going to die before you, Jaskier, 'cause they're human. Something that you should be, but I stole it from you.”

“First of all” Jaskier turned his whole body towards Geralt, pointing his index finger in his direction “If you start with the self-deprecation talk I'll punch you, it'll probably hurt my hands and I need them to survive, so you know how serious I am right now” he narrowed his eyes and Geralt nodded with a confused expression "Second, in these twenty two years that we've known each other, Geralt, did I ever tell you about someone who was that important to me?"

He waited for an answer, but the witcher kept a stubborn expression on his face.

“My relatives are assholes'' Jaskier said “I never stay in one place for long, and the people in Oxenfurt already think I'm not human not only because I'm always traveling with a witcher, but because I seem to be as young as when we first met, so it wouldn't be a shock to them. So I ask, Geralt, do you want this bond to exist? 'Cause we can very well pretend that it never happened, I give you your second chance and we don't talk about it anymore.”

"I want it" Geralt replied without hesitation.

"Even if it means that you're stuck with me?" he asked with a small smile.

"Even more if it means that" the witcher replied, the same smile on his face, Jaskier laughed and for the first time after a while, it was a real laugh.

The small hints of dawn colored the skies, while bard and witcher sat next to each other in comfortable silence.

"And now?" Jaskier asked, meeting Geralt's gaze, trying not to get lost in the beauty of that gold, gods, how he missed it.

The witcher looked at him closely and for a few seconds the bard thought he would have no answer, but Geralt sighed softly.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked and Jaskier opened his eyes wide, surprised, Geralt realized what he said and moved away "I'm sorry, it's okay if you don't want it, obviously it's okay if you don't, I wouldn't..."

"I never thought you would want something like this with me" Jaskier cut off what the witcher was saying.

Geralt looked at him confused and then murmured a low _“Fuck”_ which made the bard frown.

"I didn't say it, did I?" he asked.

"What didn't you say?"

“What I realized before Cintra happened. The reason I missed you so much.”

Jaskier shook his head, staring at him in confusion. Geralt took a deep breath, looking nervous in a way the bard never saw before, nervous in a way he didn't even know witchers could be...

“I love you” he said and Jaskier didn't know if it was possible for time to stop, but that was exactly what happened, he lost his breath for a few seconds, his heart pounding hard in his chest and he knew that Geralt could hear it “It's fine if that's not what you want anymore" the witcher continued saying "We can be just frien-"

"Oh, shut up!" Jaskier said, smiling widely before moving forward, sitting on Geralt's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck “You big oaf! Who taught witchers how to deal with feelings? I need to have a talk with that person" Jaskier laughed and Geralt did the same, resting both hands on the bard's waist "I never stopped loving you, Geralt."

And when their lips touched, it was a sensation that Jaskier had never felt, each piece inside him seemed to return to its place and he could feel the bond between the two flowing through every corner of his body, pulling them as close to each other as possible, sharing everything they felt, all the doubts, uncertainties and regrets melting and being forgotten by the stronger feeling of such a beautiful passion. Gods, Jaskier really loved Geralt and he could feel that Geralt loved him just as much.

"And now?" the bard asked again when they broke the kiss, foreheads touching.

"Come to Kaer Morhen with us" the witcher said "With me and Ciri, she would love it."

Jaskier smiled, his fingers caressing the hair on the back of Geralt's neck.

"Only her?"

Geralt rested his head on Jaskier's shoulder, murmuring contentedly.

"Me too, maybe, only if the thing that happened at Gors Velen that summer doesn't happen again."

Jaskier made a sound of outrage, slapping Geralt on the shoulder and feeling the witcher turn his face and smile against his neck.

"Something like that happens once and suddenly it's all you can remember, typical" he mumbled.

"But it was hilarious" the witcher nuzzling Jaskier's neck, sniffing the spot below his ear "Your scent hasn't changed, you know?" he said suddenly, tightening his hold "I thought I was crazy when I smelled you yesterday."

Jaskier closed his eyes as Geralt kissed his neck, feeling his body heat up.

"Will you go?" Geralt asked, without stopping what he was doing and the bard was unable to focus his mind to give an answer "To Kaer Morhen with me?"

Jaskier brought both hands up to the witcher's face, looking into his eyes.

"Of course, I would go anywhere with you" he replied, giving Geralt a peck “But just to be clear, don't expect me to go easy on you. We _will_ talk, and we’ll talk about _feelings.”_

Geralt laughed and Jaskier had never seen such a happy and soft look on the witcher's face before.

And then, the bard was pulled in for another kiss, closing his eyes and smiling against his soulmate’s lips.

**Author's Note:**

> ♡ if you enjoy my work, toss a coin to your writer, please, links are on my twitter ☕️ thank you ♡  
> [ ♡ twitter ♡ ](http://twitter.com/sorcererjaskier)
> 
> i want to write a POV!Geralt about this story, but i don't know when I'll write it (I have thousands of WIPs to finish help me) - (also i'm not sorry for quoting fair by TAD)
> 
> if you liked leave kudos and comments, it will make me very happy 💖


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